


if tomorrow never came

by sebvettels



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M, post austin '18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-06 10:58:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16386575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebvettels/pseuds/sebvettels
Summary: When Sebastian and Kimi contemplating away from each other, and a bit about the other.





	if tomorrow never came

The garage was empty when Sebastian stepped foot for the first time after the race. He couldn’t blame them, really. Kimi won after what seemed like an eternity and that was enough reason for them to leave the garage and watched as Kimi received the more than deserved trophy. Kimi never really spoke of it, of how much he wanted to win again, but deep down Sebastian knew. How could he not?

Sebastian could hear the Italian anthem in the distance. Some part of him ached, reminiscing about all those times he had won and went through the same sensation. When was his last win, anyway? 

He shuddered. If that was what he felt, he couldn’t imagine what Kimi had went through for the last five years. All the possibilities, the what-ifs, the feeling that you had tried so hard and it still wasn’t enough. 

Sebastian stood in his part of garage, stacks of used tyres around him. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling so weary. 

“Sebastian? Do you think you can do interviews?” A voice cut through Sebastian’s wandering mind.

As he opened his eyes, Britta looked at him, worried. He nodded to her question, wordlessly.

“You know that you don’t have to do this. You don’t own them a single thing.” Britta fiercely spoke up when she saw Sebastian not saying a word.

Sebastian blinked at Britta, as if he had difficulty looking at her. He saw the logic in Britta’s words as they sunk in. He really didn’t own these people anything. But if there was one thing he knew, 

“For the fans, Britta. It’s for them, it always is.”

In the end, he walked out in the middle of an interview. 

—————————

Kimi looked down at the trophy on his hand, as he walked back to the garage, now really looking at it. Five years chasing after this piece of metal, and now what? This wasn’t what he expected he would feel. The joy was fleeting, more of the adrenaline that any pure happiness. He wasn’t lying when he said there would be a lot of people happier about his win than him.

He loved racing and sometimes he wondered whether he would still love it if he wasn’t a world champion and had never won races. He knew the answer now.

He would. He would, even if he had to race for the lowest of the team, even if he could only qualify below top ten. It was the feeling he got when he was racing that mattered. That indescribable, irreplaceable feeling as you crossed the finish line and realised that you were racing. The moment your hands held on to the steering wheel and everything seemed to be possible.

Kimi straightened up, feeling sure that his decision to drive for another two years sounded right. He nodded at the mechanics as he made his way inside his garage, Mark holding his champagne next to him. 

He looked around amidst the small crowd gathering in his part of garage, people wanting to congratulate him on his win. He was waiting for the congratulations that truly matter. For the blue eyes and that bright smile. His happiness faded a little when he realised that the other part of the garage was already cleaned and empty, that Kimi probably had missed the chance.

Kimi swallowed down the disappointment, said goodbyes to the crew, and made his way to the car that would bring him back to the hotel, feeling tired and suddenly wanted to cry. 

If this was what happened every time he won, he wasn’t sure he would ever want to win again.

————————

If standing inside the empty garage felt lonely, Sebastian couldn’t describe the silence filling his hotel room. Cold hotel rooms and colder beds had became familiar to him since the start of the second half of the season. He leaned on the door, sliding down and turned on his phone.

He almost regretted it, seeing the notifications blowing up immediately. He scrolled past them until he had seen one from Kimi before the race, wishing him luck. He hadn’t read it yet, didn’t bother turning his phone on before the race. 

Kimi.

Sebastian stood up suddenly, quickly remembered that he still hadn’t said his congratulations, hadn’t said how proud and happy he was for him. He scrambled out of his room, slightly tripping over the hotel’s carpet as he made way to Kimi’s room. 

“Kimi?” Sebastian knocked, repeatedly. He put an ear on the door, slowly realising that Kimi wasn’t inside.

Of course, Kimi would probably out there partying. Sebastian would have done the same if he had won. Sebastian slid down Kimi’s door, eyes heavy and heart heavier. 

———————

Kimi stepped out of the lift to be greeted by the sight of Sebastian snoring lightly on his front door. 

“Seb?”

Sebastian continued his sleep, unbothered. Kimi reached out, gently brushing his knuckles against Sebastian’s cheeks. 

Kimi sighed. He gently shook Sebastian’s body, trying to wake him up. Sebastian’s eyelids fluttered, eyes clouded by sleepiness.

“Kimi?” Sebastian called out

“What are you doing here?” Kimi inquired softly, scanning Sebastian’s face for any answers.

Sebastian mumbled under his breath, inaudible. Kimi strained his ears, trying to decipher Sebastian’s words.

Sebastian took a breath, “I just want to congratulate you for the good race and for the victory. I'm happy for you."

Before he could think it through, he blurted out, "Are you?"

Sebastian whipped his head up, looking wounded.

"Of course, I do. You deserve it after all these years, Kimi. You have tried so hard to finally be on the top step of the podium. Of course I'm happy for you. I really do."

"You're not angry at me?"

Sebastian, looking incredulous as he answered, "Of course not. Kimi, you didn't even do anything to me. I'm angry. At the media, at the situation, and mostly at myself. But never at you. I would never be angry at you for things you didn't do."

Kimi didn't realise he was holding his breath until he exhaled in relief at Seb's words. Did he just imagine things?

"I just, you weren't there. You left so quickly after the race, I thought you were," He trailed off, unable to continue.

Sebastian shook his head, "I'm sorry. I just couldn't handle everything. I needed to breathe and be alone for a while. I didn't mean to leave you alone or make you think I'm not happy for you because I really do. I swear."

Kimi took a hold of Sebastian's hand and squeezed it gently. 

He had really imagined evils when there were none. 

Sebastian looked at Kimi. Feeling angry at himself for making Kimi feeling abandoned. Never again, he silently promised to himself, never again would he made Kimi felt like he didn't care about him.

At Sebastian's silence, Kimi squeezed his hand once more, assuring him that it was alright and he understood.

Seb opened his mouth to apologise but Kimi beat him to it as he kissed Sebastian softly on the lips. He pulled away after a heartbeat and grinned. Sebastian's breath was stolen as he gazed at Kimi's affectionate grin, making him looked younger than his actual age. Before Kimi could say a word, Sebastian kissed him as the hotel room's door closed behind them and their troubles seemed to wither away and disappeared.

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to post this before mexico but i forget and school's been hectic jsjsjk. so how are y'all post mexico tho?


End file.
